A lifestyle blog by Bars + Crafts founder Alissa KRG
My wedding weekend was pure perfection. Purefection, if you will. But that doesn’t mean everything went right. Mercury was in retrograde and for those of you who don't live life by the planets (what a weird thing not to do), retrograde typically effs up all plans. What a joy it was in my apartment when I found out our date fell during this planetary shit storm!
OK, enough of sounding like Zenon the Zequel and let's get to the good stuff.
Having a few things go epically wrong surrounding the wedding taught me some important life lessons. Here's what went down and what I learned:
1) The Issue: My Dress Was Ruined 3 Weeks Before the Wedding
Who really needs a wedding gown, right?!? (laughs maniacally for 3 minutes then composes self). Here’s the deal, in the most concise way possible:
A few family members and I had a lovely, memorable day boutique shopping in NYC, 10 impressive months before the wedding. I’ve never done something so far in advance in my life. I am a wedding planning queen! A true natural at being engaged! I will go on to create a business around responsible wedding scheduling!
Not so fast…
We found the dress — or what we thought was the dress — and went back to get it a couple weeks later. It was chic, structured, and had an Audrey Hepburn vibe — all qualities I am not, but it made me feel like a badass bridal woman and what more can you ask for?
When it comes to how it was ruined, I considered saying “I won’t name any names,” then name dropping all the names. But that can’t be good karma, so I’ll just say the fabric came in looking different from the sample and after several rounds of alterations, I couldn’t breathe or sit in the skin-tight dress. Sitting is whatever, but breathing is something I was truly looking forward to on my wedding day.
Since I’m a pleaser (working on it!), I started rationalizing the situation, thinking of ways I could get oxygen while walking down the aisle without actually having to breathe. But my mom was real pissed and we left empty-handed...three weeks before the wedding.
Some ideas that followed in the next 24 hours:
My aunt’s talented seamstress could whip something up! (I’d just have to get to Long Island about 7 times in three weeks).
I could wear my friend’s stunning gown who got married three years ago. No one would ever know! (Literally everyone would know).
We’d get some fabric and make a skirt overlay to throw on top of the dress! (WTF is a skirt overlay?).
The ideas went on, but the real solution was simple: call in the troops (my mom, sister, and aunt) and ugly sprint from work to Kleinfeld’s rack the next night to find the perfect, light blush gown smushed in that tiny ass closet from Say Yes to the Dress.
The Lesson: Roll With the Punches…& Stop Trying to Be Chic
The first thing people ask me when they hear that story is, “Did you totally freak out?!” But I didn’t. Bummed, yes, but freak out, no. Granted, I’m a notorious flight-misser and phone-dropper, and not easily fazed by this kind of stuff.
There are plenty of super normal things I am fazed by — like the world ending, or some kind of apocalypse happening without warning — but I’m pretty breezy when it comes to day-to-day annoyances.
Instead of getting stressed, I took the outlook of “It will work out, one way or another.” I find having that outlook in general can lift so much pressure off of situations.
Like the time my husband and I got trapped in beautiful, sunny Buffalo, New York after boarding and unboarding the plane 3 times and subsequently waiting in the airport for 12 hours. Once the cursing and irritation subsided, we decided to just stay another night, and made the situation into a fun little vacation. Silver linings!
It’s all about how we react to these scenarios. We have the choice to make things a really big deal or to make them OK and manageable. I went with the latter with Dress Gate 2016 and I couldn’t have been happier.
Mostly because I absolutely loved our last minute find and because we got a full refund on that first dress. That’s how it’s done, people!
2) The Issue: Our Super Cute Slideshow For the Rehearsal Dinner Wouldn't Work
OK, so this one doesn't sound like a big deal, but it actually annoyed me the most. Do you know what it's like to run all around NYC looking for a flash drive to fit your whole childhood of photos then try and transfer that to a DVD that will be compatible with an out-of-town restaurant's tech system?
Scratch all that. Do you know what it’s like for your husband to do all those things while you wait at home for the outcome? Needless to say, it was disappointing when we couldn't project our cutest photos for our friends and family (only us) to enjoy.
The Lesson: It’s OK to Be Annoyed?
I'm honestly still annoyed about this one and can't think of anything it taught me. Maybe to steer clear of DVD players.
3) The Issue: Our Rabbi Cancelled the Night Before the Wedding
Welcome to Alissa and Ryan’s real life Rom-Com! Where the rabbi you love and have a deep spiritual connection with gets laryngitis the night before your wedding and you find out she can’t come via text at the rehearsal dinner! This one was a biggie, but I think we handled it like champs.
The Lesson: Focus on the Positive and Keep Things in Perspective
I used a whole lot of that rolling with the punches thing to deal with this one. But I also realized how important it is to focus on the positive and recognize what actually matters. We were surrounded by unbelievable family and friends. We could hear the ocean from our hotel rooms. My rehearsal dinner dress didn’t get destroyed right before the wedding.
And most importantly, we were beaming from the kindness and love from everyone around us. Being disappointed wasn’t an option.
Was it strange to feel like we were on Married at First Sight: Rabbi Edition when we met the new rabbi 5 minutes before the ceremony? Yes. But taking in all the positives instead of focusing on the negatives left us feeling nothing but grateful.
Positive thinking and positive focus is powerful. As hard as it can be, practicing shifting your focus to a positive, mindful state daily builds up your muscle memory to do so going forward.
So next time something doesn’t go as planned, roll with those punches, let yourself be annoyed, and practice shifting to a positive mindset. We’re all in this together! Except for that freaking DVD player...that thing is on its own.
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